Better Left Unsaid? On Last Suppers And Other Morbid Thoughts

After much hesitation I have decided to share why it is I have not been blogging, given that it somewhat easier for me to write than to tell...

How many of you have joked around about what you would eat if you only had one meal left?

I know I have. During just such conversations I have conjured up deliciously rich meals of grilled lamb chops, potatoes gratin or perfectly roasted duck with crispy potatoes, goat cheese salad with lardons and a creamy chocolate dessert. Yet now, when faced with the strange reality of possibly only having a limited number of meals left before major surgery and not even being that hungry, I don't even know what to ask for.

One thing that came to mind was moose. Not because I have an especial fondness for moose but simply because I have never tasted it . Besides, B. from Wasilla was kind enough to send some to me and I figured I'd better try it while I still had the chance, as B. made it sound like one has lived til one has tried moose

But before I ramble on about moose and last suppers, which are certainly far more amusing then that which I feel compelled to report, I must tell of the ill-fate that has led me to do so. My poor health over the past several months has finally led me down a path upon which I never expected to find myself. The past few weeks have been filled with CT Scans, MRIs, doctor visits and a disturbing diagnosis. The tests have shown a rather large mass on one of my ovaries and there is a strong suspicion I may have ovarian cancer. I am scheduled for surgery this Wednesday and I am terrified to say the least.

I am trying not to worry about how Izzy will be and what he will eat without me (he has never spent a night without me) and instead focus on what I need to do to get well but it isn't easy. I have been preparing Izzy for my surgery little by little. First I told him that there is "something bad in my stomach that needs to come out". Then I mentioned the word "operation" and he wanted to know if it would be like the operation the kitties had, "where they take out their girl parts." Apparently I didn't need to do as much explaining as I thought I would.

As for eating, well I can't do that much of it. A few small meals a day are about all I can take. Moose sliders last night (very lean and tasty, but a bit overcooked, will have to try again) Vietnamese food tonight and not sure what my last meal will be for tomorrow night. The day before the surgery I need to go on a 24 hour clear liquid diet. D. of "real milk" fame and the doyenne of stock-making, was kind enough to stop by today with three types of stock. My friend L., was surprised to read the label on one which said, "Beef Hoof"; the others were beef and chicken/turkey. Those should keep me nourished, along with some tea and apple juice.

Once the surgery is over, I will find out what happens next. Whatever it is , I hope to make it through so that Izzy has his mama for as long as possible.